"The other two [aliens] ignored its frantic beeping and walked over to the car quite slowly, in the world-wide approved manner of policemen already compiling the charge sheet in their heads. The tallest one, a yellow toad dressed in kitchen foil, rapped on Newt's [car] window. He wound it down. The thing was wearing the kind of mirror-finished sunglasses that Newt always thought of as Cool Hand Luke shades.
[ ]'Morning, sir or madam or neuter,' the thing said. 'This your planet, is it?"
[ ]The other alien, which was stubby and green, had wandered off into the woods by the side of the road. Out of the corner of his eye Newt saw it kick a tree, and then run a leaf through some complicated gadget on its belt. It didn't look very pleased.
[ ]'Well, yes. I suppose so,' he said.
[ ]The toad stared thoughtfully at the skyline.
[ ]'Had it long, have we, sir?' it said.
[ ]'Er. Not personally. I mean, as a species, about half a million years. I think.'
[ ]The alien exchanged glances with its colleague. 'Been letting the old acid rain build up, haven't we, sir?' it said. 'Been letting ourselves go a bit with the old hydrocarbons, perhaps?'
[ ]'I'm sorry?'
'Could you tell me your planet's albedo, sir?' said the toad, still staring levelly at the horizon as though it was doing something interesting.
[ ]'Er. No'
[ ]'Well, I'm sorry to have to tell you, sir, that your polar icecaps are below regulation size for a planet of this category, sir.'
[ ]'Oh, dear,' said Newt. He was wondering who he could tell about this, and realizing that there was absolutely no-one who would believe him.
[ ]The toad bent closer. It seemed to be worried about something, insofar as Newt was any judge of the expressions of an alien race he'd never encountered before.
[ ]'We'll overlook it on this occasion, sir.'
[...]The small alien walked past the car.
[ ]'CO2 level up 0.5 per cent,' it rasped, giving him a meaningful look. 'You do know you could find yourself charged with being a dominant species while under the influence of impulse-driven consumerism, don't you?'"
[ ]'Morning, sir or madam or neuter,' the thing said. 'This your planet, is it?"
[ ]The other alien, which was stubby and green, had wandered off into the woods by the side of the road. Out of the corner of his eye Newt saw it kick a tree, and then run a leaf through some complicated gadget on its belt. It didn't look very pleased.
[ ]'Well, yes. I suppose so,' he said.
[ ]The toad stared thoughtfully at the skyline.
[ ]'Had it long, have we, sir?' it said.
[ ]'Er. Not personally. I mean, as a species, about half a million years. I think.'
[ ]The alien exchanged glances with its colleague. 'Been letting the old acid rain build up, haven't we, sir?' it said. 'Been letting ourselves go a bit with the old hydrocarbons, perhaps?'
[ ]'I'm sorry?'
'Could you tell me your planet's albedo, sir?' said the toad, still staring levelly at the horizon as though it was doing something interesting.
[ ]'Er. No'
[ ]'Well, I'm sorry to have to tell you, sir, that your polar icecaps are below regulation size for a planet of this category, sir.'
[ ]'Oh, dear,' said Newt. He was wondering who he could tell about this, and realizing that there was absolutely no-one who would believe him.
[ ]The toad bent closer. It seemed to be worried about something, insofar as Newt was any judge of the expressions of an alien race he'd never encountered before.
[ ]'We'll overlook it on this occasion, sir.'
[...]The small alien walked past the car.
[ ]'CO2 level up 0.5 per cent,' it rasped, giving him a meaningful look. 'You do know you could find yourself charged with being a dominant species while under the influence of impulse-driven consumerism, don't you?'"
-Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, "Good Omens"
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